The Greatest Honor Your Bestie Could Ask Of You Is…..

This beautiful bride-to-be asked me, yes, me to be her maid of honor.

I’m beyond ecstatic for the honor and completely blown away by the opportunity to show off all my party-planning skills at their finest. My first rule is always: expect the unexpected. So I prepare a little differently, with intention and flexibility, in hopes of creating an unforgettable vibe for each of the four major bridal celebrations ahead.

And somehow, while planning all of that… I also have two years to plan my own 50th birthday.

Life has a funny way of piling beautiful things on your plate all at once.

The word best friend hits differently now that I’m in my late forties.

When I was younger, I thought “best friend” meant one person the one person you carry with you through every season of your life. If that had been true for me, I imagined it might’ve been Belkis Sandy Becky Minaya. Then for many years I thought that title belonged to Dominique Melinda Belinda Terry In so many ways, whenever I imagined the meaning of best friend, her face was the definition.

I always assumed I’d be planning Dominique’s wedding first.

But life shifts.

People shift.

And friendships shift too.

Lately I’ve grown apart from some people and grown closer to others not from conflict, not from bias, just from life. Geography. Timing. Age. Different chapters. Different versions of ourselves emerging all at once.

Dominique and I have always had years between us in age, but in life experience and milestones, she seemed to reach things before I did. In many ways she outgrew me before I found myself. Still, there are moments I miss her deeply. Moments where I feel like I’m holding back pieces of myself, and I know she’d understand without explanation. Some friendships live in that place forever.

Meanwhile, over the last decade, I’ve grown incredibly close to Heather in a way that feels beyond sisterly beyond friendship, even. There’s a care there that feels intentional. Thoughtful. Real. She includes me in her life in ways that feel meaningful, and as an adult, that kind of friendship feels rare and priceless.

We all know how hard it can be to stay connected to our high school friendships while life keeps moving and reshaping us.

And yet… when Dominique announces her wedding date, I already know I’ll be booking whatever I need to book to be there.

Because even when friendships evolve, history still matters.

Love still matters.

Family whether by blood or by choice still matters.

Sometimes the hardest part of growing is realizing you may have outgrown certain versions of each other. But it’s also beautiful to meet people as the newer version of yourself and accept the responsibility that comes with nurturing those relationships with care.

Dominique will always be family to me by blood, by memory, and by choice. I’ll always respect and love her for including me in the chapters of life where I was able to be present.

And now I’m equally grateful to experience a mature friendship I can clearly call best friend in this season of life and be fully present in it.

Earlier I mentioned four parties.

That includes the engagement party.

The bridal shower.

The bachelorette party.

And… drumroll please…

The wedding.

Yes the wedding.

Because she didn’t just ask me to be maid of honor.

She also asked me to be the wedding planner.

And now this is where I really get to put my organizational, design, and creative skills to the test.

The couple decided on a destination wedding, which opens the door to creating completely different atmospheres and experiences for each event over the next two years of celebration. That part excites me deeply. Designing moments. Curating energy. Creating memories people can feel.

But if I’m honest, there’s another layer to all of this that brings me fear.

Weddings have always carried strange energy for me.

Historically, they somehow seem tied to heartbreak times I’ve been dumped, or breakups I didn’t see coming.

Being with Stephen this long doesn’t give me any reason to believe our relationship is doomed. Nothing currently feels threatened.

And still… I catch myself fearing something could happen.

I wonder if my role in all of this my time, my attention, my devotion to my best friend during such a big life chapter could somehow feel threatening to him.

In past relationships, I spent too much time managing men’s emotions just to feel safe. Shrinking. Soothing. Convincing myself I was loved while overextending myself emotionally.

This time feels different.

And truthfully, I don’t have the energy for that anymore.

I have no intention of building a business with Stephen. My money is mine. My purpose is mine.

He is a provider, and in many ways, he embodies exactly what I wrote down years ago when I made that list of what I wanted in a man.

Though our age gap and racial differences create moments of misunderstanding at times, they’re things we’ve managed to navigate because of how we feel about one another and the intentions we hold.

Still… I don’t always know what those intentions are in his mind.

And because I don’t always know, part of me remains emotionally prepared for survival as if I need an exit strategy in case one day he decides to leave.

My mother tells me I should feel more secure. She says I have a good man and he knows exactly what he has with me.

Maybe she’s right.

But I still question it sometimes.

Maybe because of our different upbringings.

The different ways we learned love.

What we were taught to tolerate.

What feels safe.

What feels non-negotiable.

And how we each process pain and growth after everything life has handed us.

My biggest hope is always therapy. Or mediation. Or some kind of shared language that helps us understand one another more clearly.

Because my deepest fear is not being misunderstood it’s needing a translator for my emotions and still not being heard.

And sometimes emotional intelligence or the lack of it creates fears around abandonment that spill over into the relationship in ways neither of us intend.

So I find myself wondering:

How do I show up fully as a good partner to Stephen over the next two years as he enters retirement?

How do I show up fully for my best friend as she prepares for one of the biggest days of her life?

And how do I show up fully for myself… as I approach 50?

Because I had a dream too.

A gift I wanted to give myself.

Ten days in Bali.

A retreat with women I’ve met and loved across many seasons of my life.

Time to rest.

Reflect.

Celebrate.

Breathe.

But with that planned for July… and a possible wedding in September of that same year… I may need to scale some things back.

And right now, I don’t quite know what that looks like.

Because I’m deeply invested in all of it.

So for now, I’ll trust what the stars have aligned.

I’ll gather my talents.

My creativity.

My vision.

My patience.

My grace.

And I’ll do what I always do

pull beauty together from all the moving parts.

And hopefully move through these next two years with intention, gratitude, and grace…

as I enter this next stage of life.